Macabre/13 Ghosts: Part Une

                                                     

                                          

    


Sadly I have not been able to attend as many of the William Castle films as I'd originally planned. The main reason for this is that I decided to get myself a full-body sunburn last weekend at Long Beach. I have a vampire-esque complexion, and I definitely don't sparkle in the sunlight. I spent most of this past week in a state of peeling that was reminscent of Cabin Fever (I wisely chose to refrain from leg shaving. Thanks for the tip, Eli Roth!)

By Wednesday I looked slightly less like the victim of a flesh-eating virus, so I decided to venture outside of my apartment and see the double feature of Macabre/13 Ghosts. I was particularly excited because I'd actually never seen either of these films. I had seen the subpar 13 Ghosts remake (annoyingly spelled Thir13een Ghosts in a clear ripoff of Se7en.) Despite the fact that the remake starred Tony Shalhoub (for whom my love rarely knows any bounds) and "Man Of A Thousand Ridiculous Facial Expressions" Matthew Lillard- I hated it. Hate is a strong word for anything involving Tony Shalhoub- I mean, this is the man for whom I used to watch "Wings" religiously on Nick at Night.
                                 
I bought my ticket and was immediately rewarded with two items that I already considered well worth my twelve dollars:

I can't even explain how jazzed I was to have some red-and-blue 3-D glasses, as the last time I'd used these was during Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare.  It was my first Freddy movie, I was only seven, and let me tell ya- it was far from my final nightmare.

The producers of Macabre kindly changed the life insurance policy from $1,000 to $1,000,000 to allow for inflation. The fine print read that "at the time of death, deceased party must be clutching a valid ticket for the screening in his or her left hand. Policy must be redeemed within 2 minutes by a third cousin of deceased party, in the presence of beneficiary, two witnesses, a notary public, a representative of the Munich (Germany) Police Department, and William Castle in person." I friggin' love this and wish I had a copy of the original policy to compare.

I knew nothing about Macabre outside of the life insurance policy gimmick and as William Castle introduced the film telling me that my life was insured for the next 72 minutes and that the policy would be null and void if I took my own life, I found myself getting really antsy with anticipation. Despite the fact that reason told me there was no way this film was going to scare me anywhere near as much as it was promising to, I found myself really getting into the whole shtick. I started wondering if I was indeed predisposed to anxiety or if my family history of heart disease might proprose a problem.

As it turns out, Macabre was a lot more um, macabre than I would have guessed by the fun and kitschy gimmick surrounding it. It's a darkly themed movie that relies little on special effects and greatly on suspense. There's an overwhelming sense of dread that hangs over the film and I swear that at many moments you could have heard a pin drop in the theater. I'm pretty sure the guy behind me had never seen a scary movie before because he gasped and shrieked at every fake scare as though he was in serious danger of getting some use out of that life insurance policy.

Macabre tells the story of Dr. Rodney Barrett who isn't the most popular guy in town. His sister-in-law Nancy Weatherby has just died, and most people seem to think Dr. Barrett didn't do enough to save her and that a more competent physician would have been able to preserve her life. His wife Alice died in childbirth several years earlier while he was apparently out having drinks with another woman (classy!) Meanwhile, a child's coffin has been recently stolen from the local funeral parlor which is the first sign of something ominous in the air...

Dr. Barrett just wants to get home so that he and his nurse can take his young daughter out to the lake for dinner. Surprisingly, his nurse Polly is NOT his girlfriend despite the fact that she acts as though she's campaigning to be the next Mrs. Barrett. His main squeeze is actually the woman he was rumored to be having drinks with on the night of his wife's death (apparently Dr. Barrett's overwhelming unpopularity in town doesn't apply to the female population.) He arrives home to find that Marge isn't in her playroom and indeed can't be found anywhere within the house. The housekeeper apparently did not remember to "check the children" (in this case, child) when she returned home from running an errand. The doc assumes she went over to his girlfriend's house and leaves to look for her. While he's gone Polly gets a phone call that causes her to scream a couple of times and then faint. When the doctor gets home and she finally comes to, she tells him the content of the call: a strange man informed her that Marge has "just had her funeral". He then assured her that she isn't dead yet, she's in a very big coffin so there might still be about five hours time.

I'm pretty unshockable, but I must say that this plot really unsettled me. There's a lot of talk in the horror community about how the death of children is probably the last real taboo in horror movies. Being buried alive is one of the most horrifying ways one can possibly imagine to die, and when you make the victim a child it's all the more agonizing. When you consider that this film came out in 1958 it's even more surprising and daring.

I won't spoil the ending as there are some excellent twists and turns along the way. Jim Backus gives a great non-comedic performance as the sheriff who's out to get the doctor. I had some issues with William Prince's performance at first, but as we learn more about his character his choices and overall tone make perfect sense. Jacqueline Scott gives a fine performance as Polly, although her character isn't well-developed enough. Christine White really shines in the flashback sequences as Nancy Wetherby, the beautiful blind bachelorette who enjoys having brief affairs with various men. She has my favorite line in the film: "Why should I get married? All men look the same in the dark."

Macabre is just over an hour so its pace never feels too slow. A recurring shot of a ticking clock at the funeral parlor only added to the sense of the race against time to find Marge before she suffered a truly unthinkable fate. A child in peril is always an emotional subject and I must admit here that the fact that we hadn't met Marge yet helped me in terms of rooting for Marge to survive. This may sound terrible, but I typically hate child actors in movies and while I would certainly never wish any ill upon a real child, I have found myself rooting against the survival of a child in a horror film if that meant that I wouldn't have to hear them speak again for the rest of the movie. I can't help it- most child actors are just insufferable. I blame it all on this guy:

Sorry, kid- I was rooting for Freddy.

I would definitely recommend Macabre if you're a fan of spooky little atmospheric films with dark subject matters and slow-burn suspense. It's certainly one of the more serious William Castle flicks I've seen, and I was a bit relieved that 13 Ghosts was much lighter fare. The two films balance each other out nicely and make for an excellent double feature.

Stay tuned for Part Deux in which I talk about 3-D ghosts, headless Lion tamers, Margaret Hamilton and a child actor who doesn't annoy the crap out of me!

The Return Of William Castle!!!!

Today is a very exciting day for me for two reasons, both movie-related. First of all, I just got the Netflix app for my iphone which now means I can watch movies instantly no matter where I am. It also means death to productivity and the return of procrastination. I was concerned that the app might be filled with glitches, but I'm happy to report that I was able to watch all of "Train" starring Thora Birch without a hitch. Actually, on second thought, I'm not so happy to report that. If I never see another subpar "Hostel" ripoff it will be too soon. Poor Thora Birch. She showed so much promise in "Monkey Trouble"!

The second reason that I'm super-duper excited today is that it marks the start of the William Castle retrospective at Film Forum in New York City! Film Forum is one of my favorite movie theaters, and is where I have been privileged to see films like "Dracula", "Strangers On A Train" and "Bride Of Frankenstein" on the big screen. They have excellent taste and always choose their retrospectives wisely. Best of all, they often do 2-fer-1 double features. They're New York City's only independent non-profit cinema and I have so much respect for their excellent programming and their dedication to quality. I've seen so many arthouse cinemas close down in this city, and I'm glad to say that Film Forum still seems to be thriving. You can read all about them and check out their schedule here:

http://www.filmforum.org/index.html


The William Castle retrospective runs from August 27-September 6. Double features will include Homicidal/Strait-Jacket, House On Haunted Hill/Mr. Sardonicus (this blog's namesake!), Macabre/Thirteen Ghosts and The Night Walker/Let's Kill Uncle. "The Tingler" and "When Strangers Marry" will also be shown, but as single features. Although "The Tingler" will include as a bonus the original six-minute "Psycho" trailer, so I'm pretty jazzed about that.

I've obviously seen most of these, but I have never seen a William Castle film on the big screen and I couldn't be more excited about this rare opportunity. If you're in New York City you should definitely check out at least one of the nights. If you're not in New York City, but you know someone who is, spread the word! These films are going to be presented the way they were originally intended to be- complete with all of Castle's tricks and gimmicks. I can't wait for rubber skeletons to brush past me, buzzers to go off underneath my seat, and last but not least, to vote on the fate of Mr. Sardonicus! I'll be in attendance tomorrow night's showing of Macabre/Strait-Jacket which includes an introduction by Castle's daughter Terry!

I just hope they remember to give me my $1,000 life insurance policy.

But is it art?: "A Bucket Of Blood" Review

"A Bucket Of Blood" has been sitting on my DVD bookcase, lonely and neglected for more months than I care to share. I wish I could say this has something to do with the incredibly busy life I lead, but in truth it really has to do with the tremendous difficulty I have watching any movie where an animal bites it. Particularly a domestic animal. I avoid most animal movies like the plague, because despite the fact that they feature adorable pets being, ya know, adorable- they also tend to feature at least one pet casualty. Sorry "Marley and Me", I'm sure you're great but I know you're only going to break my heart in the end and I just don't want to get hurt.

Don't you look at me with those eyes, Marley!

As a cat owner, lover, and borderline fanatic I'm particularly sensitive to any film where a cat meets an unfortunate end. I recently tried to watch "Milo and Otis" because my own Grady is an orange tabby and I thought I would enjoy watching the antics on screen and pretending that it was my own cat having these adventures (there is nothing lame about that at all, I assure you.) To my surprise, I found that I could not make it all the way through the film. A cat jumping off a cliff into rough waters? A cat being attacked by vicious birds? A cat having his NOSE BITTEN BY A CRAB??!!! It was too much for my feline-lovin' heart to take. I later googled the film to find out about some alarming rumors that many cats may have actually been killed in the making of this so-called family film. I can only hope there's no truth to these allegations. Few things truly disgust me, but animal cruelty is certainly at the top of the list.

This guy goes on adventures too, but they are limited to my apartment.

Anyway, I'm going off on a bit of a tangent as cats are prone to make me do. My point is that as much as the Roger Corman fan in me wanted to see "A Bucket Of Blood", I knew that a major plot point involved the killing (albeit accidental) of a housecat. Eventually a rainy day rolled around and it was the only movie in my library that I hadn't seen. I put the DVD in and braced myself for the worst.

I was in for a pleasant surprise. "A Bucket Of Blood" opens with an art class that's being led by a super pretentious beatnik who doesn't so much teach as he spouts off pearls of wisdom like "Life is an obscure hobo bumming a ride on the omnibus of art." I swear I read something similar in a Hunter S. Thompson book once. Our "hero" Walter Paisley (played by Dick Miller, who later played ANOTHER character named Walter Paisley in the 1986 classic Chopping Mall) is a shy, awkward busboy who longs to be a great artist. His preferred medium is sculpting, although he seems to have the skills of a three-year-old who just got their first Play-doh set. He longs to impress the artiste crowd at "The Yellow Door", but they make fun of him and view him merely as the guy who clears their table while they discuss art, poetry, and the best way to rock a beret. He finally catches his lucky break when he accidentally stabs his landlady's cat to death. Poor kitty found himself stuck inside the wall of Walter's apartment and in his efforts to help free it, he sadly impales it. Instead of giving the landlady a heartfelt apology, or even giving the cat a proper burial he does what any frustrated sculptor in his position would do- covers the cat in clay and presents it as his new masterpiece. I mean, he doesn't even remove the knife! He creatively titles it "Dead Cat" and it becomes a hit among the bohemian elite, particularly with the beautiful Carla (played by the charming Barboura Morris.) No artist wants to be a one-hit wonder however, and because Walter lacks any creative spark of his own- well, you can imagine which way the story is going. He calls his next masterpiece "Murdered Man" (which mostly freaked me out because it was a sculpture of Bert Convy!). Personally, I think his artistic talent should have been discredited based solely on his unimaginative titles. As Walter moves on to human subjects, his work becomes in high demand and his dream girl Carla even rewards him with a kiss after being particularly moved by one of his pieces. However, as Walter is not very bright, the horror that lies beneath the clay begins to surface- literally.

Who doesn't feel all romantic after looking at a sculpture of a nude strangulation victim?

"A Bucket Of Blood" is structurally similar to Corman's "Little Shop Of Horrors" (which would be filmed shortly after on the same set, with some of the same actors.) In both films we have a man who longs for a life much more interesting than the one he's currently living. A man who finds a way to become respected among his peers and win the admiration of the girl of his dreams. A man who must shed blood in order to keep his fame and notoriety going. The main difference here, is that while Seymour is someone the audience can root for (even when he's doing some very bad things), Walter never really gains our sympathy. First of all, he's killed a cat so he's automatically not on Santa's nice list. Secondly, he never really wrestles with the moral dilemma of his acts. Thirdly, and to me the biggest blemish on his character, is the fact that he does all these bad things to impress the jerky artsy-fartsy crowd who have treated him like crap. The only thing more pathetic than the pretentious group who think they're above everyone, is the guy who longs to be a part of their clique. By the time we realize he's preparing to turn Carla into one of his masterpieces, we've had quite enough of Walter and look forward to seeing justice served. Carla was after all, the only one who was nice to Walter BEFORE he became a local celebrity. She certainly doesn't deserve to meet an unpleasant end merely because she doesn't want to go out with him! Pfffft....men.

"A Bucket Of Blood" shines as a dark satire. I wasn't born yet during the beatnik craze, but I live in New York City so I deal with my fair share of hipsters on a daily basis. I've met a lot of people who talk a lot about what's authentic and what isn't and what's art and what's garbage as though they are the final authority on such matters. Julian Burton is pitch-perfect as Maxwell Brock, the pretentious poet. I especially loved his description of his breakfast- complete with wheat germ pancakes and a garbanzo omelet. I was particularly taken with Barboura Morris' portrayal of Carla. In a sea of pretention, she stood out as the only member of the artiste crowd who wasn't trying too hard. She just was that cool. Beautiful to look at, and a charming presence she sadly never worked much outside of Roger Corman's films. I googled her and learned that she died of complications from cancer at the age of 43. I'm sad we didn't see more out of this woman who was apparently known in Hollywood as "the girl with the lovely smile". Also, she wins major points for spelling Barbara the coolest way in the history of ever. I prefer to think that it was pronounced with all three syllables: BAR-BORE-AH. Bad ass.

It was indeed a lovely smile!

Don't get me wrong, Dick Miller is hilarious as Walter- it's just that I never empathized with the character, and I wanted to see him get caught. That's just what you get from me when you commit felicide.

It's wonderful to see a B movie of its time filled with humor that was intentional. Well-acted, well-written and a fun social commentary on the beatnik movement, "A Bucket Of Blood" is certainly worth watching. If nothing else, it features Bert Convy as an undercover cop. What's not to love?

Just don't watch it with your cat.

Not Another Horror Blog!

.....'Fraid so. And yes, while I'm sure that there are many who would roll their eyes at me and scoff "Ah, just what we need. Another chump who thinks they are a beautiful and unique snowflake whose unparalleled insight and wit on a variety of topics related to the horror industry is the best thing since Wonderbread!" Well, to those people I would say.....I don't eat Wonderbread because I'm allergic to wheat. So yes, I do consider myself to be better than Wonderbread because as far as I know I don't cause anyone stomach discomfort. As far as I know anyway.

So who in the world AM I? Ah, that's the great puzzle....I'm just another twentysomething female horror fan who's unemployed and single and looking for a platform in which to babble incessantly about the things that are most important to me. Namely classic horror films made in glorious B&W. I'm a firm believer that the world can sometimes look more beautiful in black-and-white, and certainly more scary. It's much easier for dark things to lurk in the shadows when everything's in grayscale.

I grew up on Vincent Price and old episodes of "Alfred Hitchock Presents". I used to think that in the 1940's and 1950's the world was actually IN black and white. Perhaps not my most intelligent childhood belief- second only to the idea that thunder actually the sound of angels bowling (I do however have my grandmother to blame for that gem!) I think the scream queens of the 30's and 40's were far classier than any of the final girls we have today. I think William Castle was a marketing genius who understood something that so many current producers of horror films don't seem to understand (ahem, Michael Bay)- that horror movies were supposed to be FUN. Being scared is a huge adrenaline rush akin to going on a roller coaster. If it wasn't fun, would any of us go to see them? Masochists aside.

And yet, I find myself going to horror film after horror film that ISN'T fun. I haven't had fun at a Saw movie since the first one came out. "Martyrs" is a great film but it sure as heck wasn't fun. Neither was "Inside". I can't imagine that "A Serbian Film" will be either. I had high hopes for "The Human Centipede" because I couldn't imagine that a movie with such a ridiculous concept could be anything other than a fun ride, but I'm told it's very disappointing. Even boring.

"Birdemic: Shock and Terror"? Now THAT was fun. Terrible, terrible movie but the enthused audience reaction to such an awful film made me wonder if perhaps the terrible B movie creature feature is back. Granted, it would be difficult to ever even try to make a film as terrible as "Birdemic: Shock and Terror". And perhaps I would like the special effects to be SLIGHTLY better in my B movies. Heck, I think the special effects in "Plan 9 From Outer Space" might have been better. And that's saying something. "Paranormal Activity" was another flick that I had an absolute blast at. I know people who didn't really get it, and I think it might have to do with the circumstances under which they watched it. I saw it in a packed theater of people who couldn't wait to get the crap scared out of them.The marketing campaign was truly inspired- I think William Castle would have been proud.

William Castle is the dead person I'd most like to have dinner with!
I'd prefer if severed head wasn't on the menu though.

I'm always going to go see the latest horror releases because I support the industry and want to see more horror movies getting produced. That being said, this blog will be focusing almost exclusively on the classic horror films that are so often getting overlooked by current horror fans. Many of them have been treated to terrible remakes because supposedly the kids won't watch something in B&W. This makes no sense to me- I was born in the 80's and grew up in the 90's and I had no qualms about watching anything in B&W as a kid. I lived for "The Twilight Zone" marathon and I attribute an early viewing of "Psycho" to the reason I took baths until I was in high school. I bleed black-and-white, and I hope there are some other horror fans out there who feel the same way.

So here we go. Thanks to the many bloggers who have inspired me to stop dreaming about blogging and just friggin' write something. Stacie Ponder, Brittney-Jade Colangelo, Andre Dumas and Heidi Martinuzzi- I'm a longtime reader/lurker of all of your blogs/sites. I think all of you ladies are wonderfully talented and you've given this unemployed horror fangirl a great deal of reading pleasure.

Review of "A Bucket Of Blood" directed by Roger Corman will be up tomorrow! It makes fun of pretentious hipsters (which I LOVE) and features a dead cat (which I HATE).

My cat was not a big fan of this scene either.